


I am Not Nothing

by Angsty_Homosexual



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Abuse, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brainwashing, Child Abuse, End Aunt May Erasure, How Do I Tag, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Italics, May Parker Has an Abusive Partner (Spider-Man), Medical Inaccuracies, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, No Slash, No Smut, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Beta Read, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Suicidal Thoughts, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is STUPID, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trials, WTF, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-03-07 04:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18865783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angsty_Homosexual/pseuds/Angsty_Homosexual
Summary: After Peter Parker's aunt is in a car accident, she has to spend months recovering. That leaves Peter in the custody of May's new boyfriend, Jim. At first, everything was fine. Until Jim began abusing Peter. Of course, Tony doesn't know, because as smart as Peter is, he still can't figure out that Tony Stark actually cares for him.This ignores Endgame and Infinity War because who needs thanos?Also, TW for graphic depictions of abuse and brief suicidal ideation





	1. I Am Nothing (Part One)

“Kid,”  
Peter looked up. “Yeah?”  
“You good?”  
“Yeah Happy, I'm fine. Just tired,” muttered Peter, trying to sound convincing. Happy glared at him in the rear view mirror, not convinced, but not seeming to care enough to ask more. Of course, Peter couldn't fault him there. He had been careful to ensure that neither Tony nor Happy would find out about everything that had happened in the past few months. Happy pulled into the Stark Industries parking lot, jolting Peter out of his thoughts. Happy knew that Peter’s living situation had changed, seeing as he had to drop Peter off after the internship, but he had just assumed that Peter and May had moved.  
“Get out,” Happy instructed. Peter nodded, realizing that he had spaced out. Again. Happy shot Peter a concerned glance as Peter climbed from the back seat of the car. Peter cursed internally. The last thing he wanted was for the reality of his, ahem, situation, to be exposed to the few people that didn't treat him like shit. After May’s accident, Peter had been temporarily placed in the custody of May’s boyfriend. At first, Peter thought the arrangement would be temporary, just a few weeks, but May had experienced more brain damage than the doctors had initially thought. Weeks had turned into months, and May’s boyfriend grew steadily worse. Peter stepped into the elevator, which FRIDAY directed to Mr. Stark’s lab. As the elevator glided up, Peter wondered where Jim was. It was a Friday, so there was a good chance he was out drinking, but he had talked about needing to work more hours in order to pay hospital bills for May, so he might still be at work. Peter hoped he was at work. When he came home after going to the bar, he would be worse. He was bad enough as it was. Peter sighed as the elevator dinged, announcing his arrival to Mr. Stark. Nervously, Peter stepped into the lab. Mr. Stark had told him time and time again that he needn't worry about breaking the equipment, but the didn't stop Peter from stressing about it every time he stepped into the lab.  
“Pete!” Called Mr. Stark, “I need your help over here,” Mr. Stark was hunched over his desk, intently focused on a visual model of Peter’s web shooters. Peter looked over his shoulder, trying to bully his mind into focusing on the task at hand.  
“I'm trying to find another way to get the web fluid to work with nanotechnology, but the unstable nature of the fluid doesn't seem to like the nanotech,”  
Peter blinked, still trying to forget about Jim and May. Mr. Stark’s problem didn't seem too hard.  
“Could you separate the compounds into more stable solutions then have them mix when the web shooters are fired?” Mr. Stark nodded.  
“Why did I think of that?” He asked sarcastically. Peter shrugged, finally starting to relax for the first time all week. 

Hours later, Peter heard his phone ding. Peter sighed as he realized that it was Jim. Peter read it cautiously.  
You better be home in the next five minutes  
“Shit,” muttered Peter. “I have to leave,” he told Mr. Stark. Stark looked up.  
“Happy’s busy. You'll need to wait a few minutes,” said Stark.  
“Um… I can't. I'll just take the subway, or swing home,”  
“You got somewhere to be?” Asked Mr. Stark lightheartedly. Peter nodded, matching Mr. Stark’s joking tone.  
“Fair enough,” said Stark. Peter nodded again and bit his lip. There was no way he could get back in time, but that didn't stop him from stumbling as he ran to the elevator. Of course, he didn't see the worried glance Stark shot in his direction as he left.

The swing home was stressful. Peter could almost feel the bruises he knew he would receive in a few minutes. He knew they would be dark today. He was bruised no matter what he did, but if he dared to mess up, then he would get beaten more. Of course, they would be healed in a few days, and the cycle would repeat. Mr. Stark wouldn’t notice. Of course. Peter was good at faking his emotions, good enough to sometimes trick himself into thinking everything was ok. But not everything was ok. It wasn’t going to be ok. Not today, at least. Peter had accepted that quite some time ago. And he had accepted it now, as he walked into his apartment, spidey suit in his backpack. Fear prickled on the back of Peter’s neck as paused in the doorway. Everything was silent. That was never good. As he stepped into his room, he finally heard the voice.  
“Peter,” Jim said, his voice deadly quiet. “You’re late.” Peter nodded nervously, not speaking. “You gonna say something?” Peter nodded again.  
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,”  
“Give me the belt,”  
Peter nodded, pulling his belt out, and handing it to Jim. Jim glared at him, ordering Peter to say it. Peter shut his eyes, whispering the words.  
“This is for my own good,”  
“Good. Now let me see your back,”  
Peter complied. He still sometimes wondered why he had given in so easily. Why after just days of Jim’s discipline, Peter stopped resisting. Of course, he knew the answer. He gave in because he realized the resisting was futile. And stupid. This was for his own good, wasn’t it?  
Danger  
Peter’s eyes flew open at the warning from his sixth sense, but he didn’t move. Pain erupted from his back as he heard the sickening crack of the belt. Peter groaned, writhing as he felt barely healed wounds reopening. Jim placed his foot on Peter’s back.  
“Don’t move!” He yelled, bringing the belt down on Peter’s back again. “What are you?” Jim asked harshly.  
“Nothing…” stuttered Peter.  
“What? Say it louder!”  
“I’m nothing,”  
“Louder!” yelled Jim.  
“I AM NOTHING!” screamed Peter as the belt came down on his back again. Peter’s face was jammed into the carpet as Jim brought his foot higher on Peter’s back, putting weight on his neck. Jim knelt down next to Peter, keeping his foot on Peter’s neck.  
“I’m glad you know that,” He said. Peter could hear the smile in Jim’s words as he spoke. “Good job,” Jim said, standing up. Peter sighed in relief. That wasn’t too bad, was it? What Peter didn’t expect was for Jim to bring his foot even higher, until it was directly on top of his head.  
“Twenty more. You better not move. If I hear so much as a peep from you, you’ll regret it,” Peter tried to nod as Jim pushed his head further into the worn carpet, raising the belt up again. Peter dug his nails into his palms, trying to anticipate the hit. That didn’t help when the belt actually came down, as it tore into his flesh, forcing a long, nearly silent yelp. Jim gasped in mock shock.  
“You can’t even follow one rule… I said if you make noise you’ll regret it. Stand up,” Said Jim, removing his foot from Peter’s head. He gasped in a deep breath of air as Jim wrenched him up.  
“I- I’m sorry-” sputtered Peter.  
“Save it. You know you deserve this,” said Jim calmly. Jim placed both his hands on Peter’s shoulders. Peter nodded. He did deserve this. Jim smiled humorlessly at Peter, before glaring at him. Too late, Peter realized his plan. Jim violently shoved Peter back towards the wall. He moved one hand to Peter’s throat, crushing his windpipe. His other hand formed a fist, and Peter felt his spider sense warning him of the danger. Peter didn’t see what happened next. He felt himself falling to the floor, conscious but too weak to move. Jim rolled Peter onto his back, taking the belt again.  
“We best finish this,” he said, bringing the belt down on Peter’s back. Peter felt faint as he saw the carpet in front of him. It was red. Peter stared. His house had white carpet. The carpet in his home wasn’t wet. Peter distantly realized that he was probably sitting in his own blood. That made sense. But that meant he was wounded, right? Mr. Stark said Peter needed to call him when he got hurt. He should probably do that, but right now, Peter was more tired than anything else. He could call Mr. Stark when he woke up.


	2. I am Nothing (part  two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a dream about the accident, but tries to act normal... it doesn't quite work.

_ May smiled at Peter as he got into the car.  _

_ “How was your day, honey?” she asked _

_ Peter smiled back.  _

_ “It was great! Ned’s coming over on Thursday to work on the the Lego Death Star. I think I’ve found all the pieces, too! But MJ said she was planning on making us stay late on Thursday for Decathlon, so that might not work out... I’m rambling, aren’t I?” May nodded knowingly. “So how was your day?” asked Peter. May didn’t answer. “May? You good?” _

_ May stared at Peter. Peter frowned, finally realizing where he was.  _

_ “Wait- Wait, May!” yelled Peter, feeling his spider sense go off.  _

_ “You could have stopped this,” said May. Peter looked out May’s window. A car was speeding out of control, heading right towards them. _

_ “You could have stopped this,” came another voice, and what had seemed so realistic a moment ago changed. Peter felt as though he was swimming through honey as he tried to reach out for Aunt May. _

_ “You could have stopped this,” the voice repeated. Peter’s eyes filled with tears as he realized who that was. Uncle Ben’s voice was gravelly, the same way it had been when he had died.  _

 

_ The car braked in a last-ditch attempt to stop. Peter winced as the metal collided, and the car the Uncle Ben had worked so tirelessly on crumpled on impact. Shrapnel hit Peter as he watched Aunt May be crushed by the weight of the car.  _

Peter’s eyes flew open. He panickedly searched the room he was in for the car. He knew it was coming, it would hit him next. But nothing happened. The only noise was Peter’s laboured breathing. Peter sighed, sitting up. He probably should be grateful for the dream, seeing as it had reminded him of why he deserved to be punished by Jim. Looking around, Peter realized he was in his room. 

_ Huh?  _

Peter wondered if Jim had dragged him back here after he passed out. 

Peter froze, the last night coming back to him. He had passed out while Jim was beating him. Jim would kill him. Maybe metaphorically. Maybe literally. It didn’t really matter though. Maybe it would be better if Jim killed him. Peter stopped. Did he really just think that? He was  _ Spider-Man _ for goodness sake, of course it would matter if he died. 

_ Someone else could be Spider-Man, _ said a voice.  _ Someone who isn’t weak enough to let himself get beat up by his aunt’s boyfriend. Someone who would’ve stopped May from being in the crash. _ Peter found himself nodding. If there was one radioactive spider out there, there probably were more. Peter smiled humorlessly. Another Spider-Man. One who wouldn’t be as much of a burden as Peter was. Blinking, Peter tried to stop himself again. If he was to stop being such a burden, then he should definitely stop thinking about his worthlessness and instead get ready for school. Peter glanced at the time. 6:30. Jim wouldn’t be awake for a while. Peter smiled in relief. For once, it seemed he was going to get the morning to himself. Peter sat down at his desk and pulled out some paper. He knew he had to write this soon, but he had never had the opportunity. Peter smoothed out the paper that sat in front of him, feeling the grooves of the wood under his fingers, letting himself calm down. It seemed so miraculous now that Peter, of all people, would be bitten by the spider. He was to have enhanced senses, he was to be strong, and he was to be Spider-Man. But Peter supposed there was a downside to him, of all people, being Spider-Man. He could have been on that flight with his parents. The bullet that killed Ben could have hit him. It probably  _ should _ have hit him. He should have died from the spider bite, or when he fought Toomes, or even when he was out on patrol. It seemed like the universe wanted Peter to die, but not even death itself wanted to hold the spiderling. The universe just kept sending him demons to fight, but none of them were able to kill him. So the universe sent him Jim, and who knew, maybe Jim would finally finish Peter off? Peter hoped that was what happened. It probably would happen like that. So here he was, wondering why this felt so unreal as he sat at his desk, a blank paper and a pencil in hand. His windows were open, letting in warm air that made Peter want to forget all about Jim, but he knew he couldn’t. Sooner or later, Jim would go too far, and Peter didn’t think he could live through that. He couldn’t leave May or Mr. Stark alone, though. Mr. Stark needed Spider-Man, May needed Peter, as did MJ and Ned. Peter sighed, putting his pencil onto the paper. 

 

_ Dear whoever might read this, _

_ This is from Peter. I bet you know that, though. I’ll assume that I’m already gone if you are reading this. I might have died from being Spider-Man, and if I did, then great. But if you can home one day and found me sprawled out on the floor, covered in plenty of bruises, then I guess you should read this. Jim hurts me. Whenever I mess up, he will hurt me. Whenever I do well, he hurts me. But you probably know that. That’s not what this is about. I want to tell my friends that I love them, and that they were the only bearable part of this whole thing. I want to tell everyone that this wasn’t their faults. Don’t blame yourselves for not seeing Jim for what he was. I just want May to focus on getting better. Mr. Stark, you need to know that the Oscorp spider experiments are still up and running. You can use them to get another Spider-Man. I know you probably don’t feel the same, but you are like a father to me. Also, my phone password is 0o0o0. I took pictures of a lot of what Jim did to me on there, so hopefully you can use it to make sure he never hurts anyone else. _

_ Also, I never thought I would say this, but thank you to Flash, because I know you realized what was going on. Thank you for trying to help. _

_ I basically just want to say that I love you all and, well, goodbye. _

_ -Peter _

 

Peter folded up the paper and slipped it into the bottom drawer of his desk. The universe clearly didn’t want Peter to survive. He had tried to seem as healthy as he could in the letter, but he knew that ultimately, he deserved every bit of Jim’s punishment.

Peter’s backpack chafed against the angry wounds covering his back. The bruise on his face had faded enough to not be noticable, but Peter had seen his face in the mirror that morning, and he knew he could barely pass as ok. 

But he couldn’t just  _ miss _ school just because he looked a bit off. That was all. He just looked a bit off. Nothing was wrong, right? Peter chuckled ruefully to himself as he walked into Midtown Tech. He knew that something was wrong, but in any case, it didn’t matter. What did matter was that Peter got good grades, and that Spider-Man would help people. For now, Peter could only accomplish one of those things. Peter shut his eyes for an instant, trying to banish Jim from his mind. Of course, Flash Thompson decided that was the perfect moment to torment Peter.

“Hey Penis!” yelled Flash. Peter opened his eyes.

“What do you want, Flash?” Flash stared at him for a second, thinking. 

“I want you to tell me how you got an internship and Stark Industries,” 

“By being smart,” answered Peter.

“Why so snarky, Penis? Why not just roll over and play dead?” 

Peter gaped at him.  _ Roll over and play dead? _ That wasn’t Flash. That was Jim. He said that, the day after Peter had passed out on him for the first time. 

_ The room was dark when Peter got home. He could smell alcohol. Peter knew better than to announce his arrival. That didn’t change anything though. _

Danger _ , whispered his spider sense. _

_ And suddenly Peter was on the floor, and Jim was on top of him, bringing his fists down on Peter’s stomach and face. _

_ “You better stay awake this time,” whispered Jim. “You better not roll over and play dead,” _

_ Peter nodded fearfully. _

_ “Yes- yes sir,” _

_ “Good,” _

Peter blinked, realizing he had been staring at Flash.

“Parker? You good?”

Peter nodded. 

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Flash studied Peter’s face with a surprising emotion. Concern. 

_ Shit. _

Peter turned around and ran to his locker.

“Hey- hey Peter,” someone said. Peter sighed, ready to tell Flash off, but when he turned around, he found himself face to face with Ned Leeds. 

“Hey, Ned,” Peter said, forcing a smile onto his face.

“We gotta get to class!”

“What time is it?” asked Peter. He had thought he had a few minutes until the bell rang. Apparently not.

“It’s 7:58,”

Peter cursed. “Let’s go,”

Ned nodded. 

Peter sat down in the back of the class. Ned slid into the seat next to him, and Peter could see Flash glaring at Ned as he entered the classroom. Peter frowned. Flash had wanted to sit next to him? That was bad. Knowing Flash, he probably wanted to bother Peter about what happened in the hall. Peter sighed. This would be a long day.

“Okay class!” yelled Mr. Harris with mock enthusiasm. Harris had recently transferred from the elementary school after the normal teacher had to move on short notice, and he definitely wasn’t ready to teach high schoolers. “We have a field trip! Isn’t that exciting?”

The class groaned. The last field trip they had been on was to a neighbouring school so they could see the author of some book. “Come on, this’ll be fun! We’re going to Stark Industries,”

Flash grinned and stared at Peter. Peter blinked. A field trip to SI? Slowly, Peter’s mind made sense of what Mr. Harris had just said.

_ Shit _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just want to note that I think (I might be wrong) the canon name of Peter’s teacher is Mr. Harrison, but I have a character that has appeared in basically all of my stories since I was about 8 who’s name is Mr. Harris. He doesn’t really have a character, he’s just a random teacher who has been put in a shitload of really, really weird situations, so I wanted to give him a cameo.   
>  On another note, thank you soo, soooo much for all of your kind words. I have depression that is pretty bad right now, and I was having a really bad day before I read all the comments. Suffice to say that the rest of the day was a lot better. I do want to apologize for this chapter being as short and crappy as it is. This week has been stressful for me bc of things. On a happier note, my birthday is in a few days so I can stop lying about my age on AO3! That sounds bad but whatever...


	3. Is Anybody Out There?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter goes on a field trip to SI and Tony and Flash both think they know what is up and it... ends interestingly. (Written from Tony's perspective because why not)

 

Tony’s phone buzzed. Ignoring it, Tony looked back up at the table in front of him. Pepper glared at him from the corner, tightly gripping her clipboard. Tony rolled his eyes. He didn’t plan on going anywhere, so why did Pepper have to babysit him? Still, that didn’t make this meeting any less frustrating. He had made Pepper the CEO of SI so he could stay away from these meetings, but Tony was the public face of Stark Industries. That meant that after every public Avengers mission, after every screw up, and after just about anything having to do with SI or the Avengers, he needed to attend a meeting discussing how SI would handle whatever had happened. Usually, these meetings consisted of executives from SI grimacing at Tony as though he were a toddler they had been unwillingly tasked with caring for, and Tony boredly doodling out designs for whatever project he was currently working on as he failed to listen. But the Sokovia Accords were actually important, as was the fate of the rogue Avengers. So here he was, tapping his pen against the table as the director of Public Affairs droned about how to handle the Avengers moving back into Avengers Tower. Tony had spent long enough just trying to get Cap and his compatriots pardoned, but _nooo_ , that obviously wasn’t enough. He also had to sit through meetings that prepared for a press conference that would last a fraction of the time spent preparing for it. Tony’s phone buzzed again. Tony rolled his eyes, picking it up. If he was getting notified twice about it, then it must be important, right? Tony frowned as he read it.

 

_Peter Parker has entered the building_

Tony blinked. The kid was supposed to be in school now. He hadn’t mentioned anything weird happening today, and Tony knew for a fact that Midtown Tech didn’t have the day off.

“Mr. Manchester?” called Tony, interrupting the executive’s _fascinating_ speech about the statistical effect Avengers missions had on StarkPhone sales. “Something came up. I’m leaving,” Manchester glared at him.

“No you aren’t. This is important, Mr. Stark,” Tony chuckled.

“Keep talking after I leave,” said Tony, standing up. Pepper glared at him as he exited the conference room. Tony could hear her heels hitting the floor as she followed him, but Tony didn’t stop walking. He didn’t want to go back into the conference, and either way, he had tried listening and it hadn’t worked out.

“Tony,” called Pepper disapprovingly.

“Yeah?” Tony slowed to a stop as Pepper caught up with him.

“That meeting was important,” Tony nodded.

“Yeah, it was, but Peter just entered the building and I want to see if he’s skipping school,”

“Really? Now?”

“Well, its that and I also _really_ wanted out of that meeting,” Pepper glared at him. “I already know what I’m going to say at that press conference,”

“Tony,” Pepper muttered.

“Yes?” Tony replied innocently.

“Peter is here for a _field trip_. He specifically asked me not to tell you, because he doesn’t want you embarrassing him in front of his class,” Tony sighed.

“Fine. But FRIDAY, if anything interesting happens, then I want to know,”

“Sure thing, Boss,”

“You ready to go back to that meeting?” asked Pepper.

“Sure. Why not?”

A few minutes later, Tony’s phone started going off again. Pepper had explained that Tony might need to leave in the next few minutes, but that didn’t stop the glares as Tony stared at his phone. FRIDAY had sent him security footage of Peter. Tony couldn’t hear the words, but it didn’t take a genius to tell that someone was yelling at Peter. At first it was his teacher, Mr. Harris, then it was some guy that Tony didn’t recognize, but seeing Peter’s face, Tony could tell it wasn’t good. Most of Peter’s classmates, save for a boy who Tony recognized as Ned, and a girl he didn’t know, were laughing at him. Tony stood up.

“Ok. This is boring. I’m leaving,” Pepper shot Tony a look. “Pepper can fill me in,” He added, sending the footage of what Peter to Pepper. She would understand that he didn’t want his kid getting bullied, right? Tony paused. _The_ kid. Not his kid. Tony stormed out, trying to ignore the storm growing in his gut. SI had a very strict anti-bullying policy, mostly because the Avengers tended to notice when students were being bullied. Tony stepped into the elevator, thinking about the first part of what he had seen. Why was Peter’s _teacher_ of all people yelling at him?

“FRI, where is Peter’s class now?”

“Second floor. Avengers Museum, Boss,” Tony nodded as the elevator whirred.

“Hey Pete,” Called Tony as he walked in. Peter whirled around from the Spider-Man exhibit as his class stared.

“Uh… Mr. Stark?”

“Kid, I need to talk to you,”

Peter froze. It was clear that he hadn’t intended for Mr. Stark to even _know_ about the field trip, much less interrupt it.

“Come on,” said Tony, walking over to Peter and steering him out of the room.

“Sir?” asked a voice tentatively. “Peter isn’t allowed to be pulled out of class without permission,” Tony looked up at Peter’s teacher and shrugged. “He’ll just be gone a second,” The man looked unsure. “Don’t worry. I just need to check something with his internship,”

“It’ll be fine, Mr. Harris,” Peter said. Tony could have imagined it, but he thought he heard a bit of triumph in the teenager’s tone.

“Does… does Peter really intern here?” asked Mr. Harris. Tony scoffed. Was that why Peter’s teacher had been upset with him? He thought Peter was lying about the internship?

“Of course. He’s the youngest intern we have,” Mr. Harris’s gaze turned to Peter, his eyebrows raised as the rest of the class gawked at the scene taking place. Tony’s face turned hard as he noticed the disbelief on the kids’ faces as Tony ushered Peter out, the number of questions he intended to ask his mentee increasing. Peter seemed hesitant to leave the room, so Tony rested his hand on Peter’s shoulder. Peter lightly flinched away from his hand. Tony frowned. The flinch had been so light, Tony almost wondered if he had imagined it. Almost. Tony shut the door to the room, glaring at Peter.

“What the hell?”

Peter looked down guiltily. “You weren’t supposed to know I was coming here,” he said softly. Tony frowned in confusion, wondering why Peter seemed so guilty.

“And why is that?” he asked gently.

“I… didn’t want you embarrassing me?” Peter said.

“Was that a question, or were you telling me?”

“Fine… My teachers don’t believe I have an internship here. Neither do my classmates. I didn’t want you to bother them,”

“Gosh, kid. You’re getting bullied and you’re worried about humiliating the _bullies_?” Peter shrugged reluctantly. “Fine.” started Tony. “But I’m still going to finish the tour. And take your class up to some of the higher-level labs,” Peter rolled his eyes, knowing there was no point in arguing.

The labs were pretty fun. Tony had shown the class some of Peter’s new web shooters that he had been designing, but Tony had to admit he was pretty preoccupied during the whole thing. He wondered if the kids that were bothering him were the real reason that Peter had been acting so weird. Tony had recognized the boy who had been bothering Peter on the security footage almost immediately, and when he sent Peter and his classmates down to the lobby, he kept the kid behind.

“What’s your name, young man?” Tony asked, sizing him up. He wasn’t much to look at, but he carried himself as though he owned the building, which wasn’t very smart, in Tony’s opinion, seeing as he was standing in front of Tony Stark himself.

“Um, Flash Thompson, sir,” Tony suppressed a chuckle.

“Ok, Flash Thompson, I expect you to stop bothering my intern,”

Flash frowned. “So you can keep him to yourself?” he asked, fear creeping into his voice.

“What?” responded Tony, shocked. Flash seemed to gain confidence.

“You think I didn’t see him flinch when you took him out into the hallway? You think that I don’t see how he only wears long shirts? I might not like Penis Parker, but I recognize the signs when I see them. It _obviously_ can’t be his aunt, so who else? I don’t know who he’s living with right now, but he seems a bit too scared of you,”

Tony stumbled back. “You think I’m _abusing_ Peter?”

Flash stared at him and nodded slowly.

“I called _you_ in here to tell you to stop messing with him, and now your saying that’s it’s _me_ hurting him?” snapped Tony, as he processed what Flash had just said. “Wait… what did you say about May?” Flash raised his eyebrows.

“Don’t change the subject! Peter has a panic attack in school that he somehow brushes off, and now here we are, learning that Peter is close to someone who is notorious for being horrible to others, and this just _happens_ to be after Peter is put in the custody of someone besides May!” Tony stared at Flash, for once speechless. “Ok. Let’s start from the beginning. What happened to May?”

Flash’s eyes widened. “It’s not you?” he asked. Tony nodded, slowly understanding what Flash was trying to say. _Wait._ Tony sighed.

“It isn’t you either, is it?

“No. I mean, I bother him a bit-” Tony scoffed internally at that. Flash bothered Peter more than a bit, Tony had seen that much “-but I’m not why he’s been acting off,” Tony sighed.

“Look, Flash? Thank you for telling me this. Peter’s been ‘acting off,’ as you said for a while. Just- for now, stop bothering Peter, you got that?” Flash nodded, noting his cue to leave. Tony sighed as Flash exited. “FRIDAY, tell Karen to scan Peter for injuries next time he uses the suit,”

“Yes Boss,” replied FRIDAY quietly. Tony figured that kid had probably just been paranoid, but it wouldn’t hurt to rule abuse out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title for this chapter is from the song "Carry Me" by Ruelle and Fleurie. Sorry it took me so long to write this. One of the reasons I started this as a way to get out shitty feelings, but lately I've been going from very happy to too depressed to write. I think that's a side effect of my depression meds tho. School going to end soon for me and I have some finals coming up, unfortunately. Once again, thank you so much for your kind words! I've read through the comments on this story more times than I can count when I lose motivation. I listened to this in a text-to-speech app so hopefully it'll have few errors in it. I also finished outlining the whole story and I know how many chapters it will be, so yay for that. Also how do I make it so you only see the notes from the chapter your viewing?! idk ao3 that well...
> 
> Yes I know this notes section is literally just me bouncing from one topic to the next without any segues while talking about my failing attempts to write, but whatever.


	4. Heart Made of Glass, My Mind of Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter comes home from the field trip and shit goes down.
> 
> TW for victim blaming

Peter stepped out of the bus, glancing at his phone to see the time. Unsurprisingly, school had gotten out a few minutes prior, but that didn’t worry Peter. Jim wouldn’t be home today, so he couldn’t beat Peter for being late. As long as he got back before five o’clock, Peter would be fine. Right? Ned tapped Peter, seemingly oblivious to his friends thoughts. 

“You wanna go to my house and work on the Spanish project?” Peter shook his head.

“Sorry, I can’t. Jim wants me to be home early,” Ned nodded understandingly. Peter almost smiled at that. Ned didn’t understand. Ned did know about May, but he definitely didn’t understand. “Oh,” Ned blurted. “Ok. That's cool. See you later, man,”

“See you,” Peter repeated as Ned walked off.

Peter smiled affectionately at his best friend’s antics as he walked to the subway. As he got on, he heard his phone buzz. Peter sighed as he looked at it. It was from Jim.

_ Get home. _

Peter’s breath grew laboured as he processed what that meant. He had been looking forward to a few minutes of peace before Jim returned, but apparently he wasn’t even worth enough to get a five-minute break between tortures. Fair enough. He was nothing, so he deserved nothing. Peter sighed, remembering the time before all this. Jim hadn’t always spoken the truth. Sure, he had been a bit strict, but he had cared for May, and he had helped pay the bills, and he even seemed to like Peter. He knew about Peter’s parents, and Peter could still remember Jim saying to him “I know what it’s like to be exposed to bad things when you’re too young, so if you ever need to talk about it, I’m here,” 

But of course, that had all changed when May was in the accident. One day, Jim was kind, and helpful, if a little bit overprotective, and the next, Peter would be slapped for being just a moment late coming home. Jim had spent all his time at the hospital, sitting next to May’s limp form, waiting for her to awaken, only leaving when he had to. Peter had kept his distance, at first, but eventually, he wanted to be the one sitting with her, waiting with her. When he voiced that, Jim made it abundantly clear that wasn’t going to happen. Why? Because it was his fault May was in the crash. It was always his fault. He just hadn’t known it back then.

Peter’s stomach roiled as he entered the apartment. Jim sat on the couch, looking relaxed for a change. When Jim first took custody of him, Peter had thought that it was good when Jim was relaxed, but Peter had long since learned what this meant.

_ The calm before the storm _ .

“Hey Pete. How was your day?” Peter’s hands shook as he untied his shoes, barely daring to speak.

“My day was good,” he said carefully. “How was yours?”

“I went to see your aunt,” he said quietly. “She isn’t recovering as quickly as they thought she would,” Anger flashed through Peter’s veins, even though Peter wasn’t sure where it had come from.

“And, let me guess, it’s my fault?” Peter asked sarcastically. He knew well enough that it was his fault. Jim snapped up. 

“So we’ve decided to be a bit mouthy today, have we?” Jim taunted. Peter blinked, slowly realizing what he had said. 

“I know it’s my fault. You don’t need to tell me,” Peter said quietly “I’m sorry,” Jim looked taken aback for a moment, before the mask of calm that Peter knew too well took over Jim’s face. 

“Take your shirt off,” he said calmly, standing up.

“What?” asked Peter, already knowing what would happen next.

“Take off your shirt,” repeated Jim, not taking his eyes off Peter

Peter obeyed, knowing it was too late to make up for what he had said. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Jim’s aura of calm seemed delicate today, and Peter didn’t want to further aggravate him. Jim’s brow furrowed.

_ Shit. Guess that was the wrong thing to say. _

“You better be.  _ You were why she was in that car.” _ Peter nodded helplessly. “But you’re just saying sorry because you spoke out of turn. I think you need to learn your lesson,” Peter felt his hands shaking as he unclasped his belt and neatly folded it, holding it out to Jim. Jim ignored it, roughly shoving Peter to the ground instead, his hand covering Peter’s mouth as his bare fist landed on Peter’s concave stomach. Peter opened his mouth, unintentionally letting out a wail  and Jim buried his hand deeper into Peter’s throat, blocking Peter’s breath as he brought his fist down on Peter’s ribs, and Peter swore he saw a smirk on Jim’s face as he heard them crack under his hand. Peter tried to moan, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt his ribs shatter, but Jim blocked that too. Peter felt his body shaking in pain, his super strength uncontrolled for just a moment as his body spasmed violently, and suddenly, Jim wasn’t on top of him. Peter gazed around the room in shock, searching for Jim. His eyes landed on a bloody mess lying motionless on the other side of the room. Peter jumped up, his mind slowly catching up to the present. 

_ He had done that. _

_ Shit. Shit, shit shit shit shit shit. _

Peter crept up to his guardian’s limp form, letting himself check Jim’s pulse as if he were Spider-Man and Jim was just another innocent person he had saved. He could feel it, in Jim’s neck, weakly beating as Jim’s stomach rose and fell. Peter gasped, even though he wasn’t sure if it was in fear or relief. Peter stared at Jim. He would be ok. Was that a good thing?

_ No, _ said a voice, ever so quietly, and Peter shook his head, trying to stop the thought. It was good that Jim would be ok. Jim hadn’t done anything wrong. It was Peter’s fault that May was in that crash, and all Jim did was punish Peter accordingly. So why did Peter almost find relief, on some dark level, in the fact that Jim was laying, unconscious, on the living room floor, unable to hurt Peter? Peter’s hands balled into fists as he stared at Jim, knowing that when he came to, he would have more than just questions for Peter. And so Peter just stared, unsure of what to make of what he had done.

A few minutes later, Jim groaned. It was just a simple, involuntary moan, and anyone seeing it would perhaps feel that Jim was just a powerless man, knocked out on the ground and waking up, but Peter jumped up when he heard it. Peter eyed him nervously, only detecting the small groan that followed because of his enhanced senses, and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, praying that he had just been imagining it. A second later, Jim moaned again, and Peter opened his eyes, finally accepting that Jim was waking up. Peter felt his spider sense tickling against the back of his neck, and Peter muttered an  _ “I’m sorry _ , _ ” _ under his breath before turning around and stumbling into his room, slamming the door behind him. Peter rummaged through his closet, grabbing the suit and roughly forcing himself into it, shoving the screen out of the open window, and swinging out. Fatigue clouded his vision immediately and a strong wind blew Peter off course. He blindly shot webs out into the cityscape, praying that even one of them would attach itself to  _ something _ , but Peter could tell that none of them had. How that had even happened, Peter didn’t know. He was swinging in an  _ alley _ in New York, but somehow, there was nothing to catch him as he felt himself helplessly swinging forward. Peter’s spider sense was going crazy, either from the fact that he was still in close proximity to Jim, or maybe even his sixth sense could tell that he was about to die, one way or another. A second later, Peter figured out why his spider sense was so upset, as a sickening  _ snap _ rang through the air, and Peter was falling. The one tiny web that had been keeping Peter from the ground had broken, leaving Peter in free fall. Peter could hear a panicked voice yelling at him from inside the suit, and he thought he could make out the words  _ Mr. Stark _ and  _ danger _ . Peter’s blank eyes widened. Karen had probably called Mr. Stark. Suddenly, Peter’s spider sense went crazy. Peter forced himself to lean back so he was falling feet first and unlocked his knees, trying to prepare for the pain that he knew would be coming. 

The moment of impact seemed to happen in slow motion. His legs exploded in pain as a tremor wrecked through his body. Karen was yelling at him, telling him something about falling to the side, but Peter didn’t listen. He remembered something he had heard on TV years ago, that when you had an unbroken fall from several stories up, you would  _ bounce. _ Peter wondered what that felt like. He could feel himself pitch forward as he instinctively raised his hands to protect his head, and then he was on the broken concrete. Peter opened his eyes, only then realizing he had closed them in the first place. 

“Karen?” he yelped. 

“I’ve contacted Mr. Stark. His E.T.A is less than a minute. You appear to have sustained serious injuries to the calves and feet, and may be going into shock. Would you like me to put Mr. Stark on the line?” Peter nodded weakly, feeling something rough against his cheek. He knew Mr. Stark would probably just think he was being a burden, because he  _ was. _

“Kid?!” 

Peter groaned. The concrete wasn’t comfortable, but that didn’t matter. Peter was tired. He wanted to sleep. “Kid, stay awake. You hear me?  _ Stay awake,” _ Peter blinked. 

“But ‘m tired,” mumbled Peter. 

“I know that, but you need to stay awake. You can sleep at the compound, got it?” 

Peter sighed. It would just be a moment. He wouldn’t stay asleep for long. 

Peter closed his eyes.

When Tony found him, he was bloody. Too bloody for it to have just been from the fall. Tony cradled him in his arms, waiting until the medical team arrived. They had to take his mask off. Peter had a black eye, a concussion, and too many other injuries. Tony had tuned out after they told him the first five. He would live, that was for sure, but Tony couldn’t help but wonder if that Flash kid had been right. So he waited at Peter’s bedside, staring at the boy who had always seemed so innocent and so kind, who now was hiding something or other that Tony  _ had _ to know. Tony remembered what Flash had said about May when they spoke.Tony hadn’t given it much thought, mostly focusing on the “Peter might be being abused” element of it, but if Peter wasn’t living with May, then that would explain a lot of his behavior. It wouldn’t explain Peter’s injuries though. But for now, the only thing that mattered to Tony was making sure that Peter would be ok.

Peter opened his eyes. The first thing that hit him was how  _ bright _ everything was. Light streamed in from what Peter presumed was a window, casting a shadow despite the blinding LED lights. Peter glanced around, ignoring the pain it brought him. He lay in a bed, one larger and softer than the one at home. No. The one at the apartment. The apartment wasn’t home, not anymore. 

“Kid, what were you thinking?” came a voice.

“Mr- Mr. Stark?” Peter stuttered. Tony nodded, looking up from his magazine. “I- I didn’t think I was all that injured…” Tony glared at him, anger masking the worry so abundant on his face.

“Not all that injured? You have shattered ribs, a broken arm, your legs literally looked like they were about to fall off when I found you, and you fell off a fucking  _ building _ on patrol, and now you’re saying that you’re not all that injured? Kid, for that matter, why the  _ hell _ were you so injured in the first place?” Peter looked down.

“I saw a mugging while I was out of the suit. I guess they were stronger than they looked. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- I didn’t mean to get hurt,” Tony sighed. 

“Ok. Sorry I pushed. But- you need to be more careful. I can’t have  _ another _ idiot with a guilt complex trying to superhero,”

“Another?” Peter asked weakly.

“Me. Why else would I become Iron Man?” Tony chuckled, standing up. “Now you get some rest. I’m not going to be the one to tell your hot aunt that you got shattered ribs for not being careful enough,” 

“Mnh,” Tony sighed, walking out. Peter watched as the door closed, wondering if he could tell Tony. But even if he could,  _ should _ he? Jim would probably kill him, sooner or later, so maybe he should, but Tony could just find a new kid to take under his wing, maybe make another Spider-Man. And even Tony probably couldn’t protect Peter from Jim, because Tony would agree with Jim. Because then who would pay May’s hospital bills? Who would May come home to? Peter obviously wasn’t enough. And Jim was so good to Peter when they first met. Jim actually told the truth, too. He was the only one that did. Peter sighed. Maybe Jim was causing some problems, but ultimately, he was the best thing for Peter. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I don't intend to abandon this story anytime soon  
> Also me: *doesn't update for like two weeks*
> 
> Sorry... My life has been quite chaotic the past few weeks. Thankfully, I've been doing better depression-wise during the last few days. Also, guess who is officially out of the closet!!! I semi-accidentally came out to my dad at Pride (I went to Pride!!!) and may or may not have came out to my (accepting) church. Basically, if you want a fun way to come out, then go to Pride with someone you want to come out to and drape yourself in a giant rainbow flag. It's effective. And awesome. And if you want to kind of come out to your church, then wear said rainbow flag to Pride Parade and be surprised when your church in marching in it because... allies are awesome. Also, school's finally out, so... yay for that. I'll be updating more because of that. In other news, I woke up today and didn't hate myself! hurray for that. Thank you so, so, so much to the people that left complements or just comments on the last few chapters. It was really amazing. I also just want to say that even though I will be updating more, I also have a sleep away camp next week, and we aren't supposed to use phones. I'll probably write the chapter before I leave and add while I'm there. If I don't though, then I probably couldn't find a time to use my phone. Or maybe I'll just add it before I leave... Also, shits about to get crazy, so be ready for that.
> 
>  
> 
> Update: I'm leave sooner for camp than I thought, so I don't have time to write the next chapter before I leave. oof. Btw, I'm writing this at nearly one in the morning the day before I leave because I was scrambling to get it done, but... I can't. Sorry.


	5. You were standing there like an angry God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit bout to go down. Don't say I didn't warn you. Should I have probably separated this into multiple chapters? Yes. Did I? Hell no.

Tony glanced at his phone. It had been almost a day since he had texted May about Peter. She still hadn’t responded, which wasn’t like her at all. Peter was acting more normal than he had in months, but whenever Tony asked about May, he reverted to one-word answers and changed the subject. Now that Tony thought about it, he hadn’t heard much about May in months. He had needed to text her a few times because of Peter’s internship, and she had responded promptly, but besides that, nothing. Tony’s mind went back to the texts. He supposed they proved that nothing extreme had happened, but… if Flash was right, and Peter really  _ wasn’t _ living with his aunt, then Peter probably could’ve forged the text. Tony sighed. 

“FRI, pull up information regarding May Parker from the past few months,”

“Will do,” FRIDAY’s smooth voice replied. FRIDAY paused.

“FRI?” 

“It appears that May Parker was involved in a car accident two months ago. She has been recovering at St. Vincent's Hospital in Queens, New York since her coma broke about a month ago,”

“What the hell?” muttered Tony. “Where has Peter Parker been living?”

“Peter has been in the custody of Ms. Parker’s boyfriend, Jim Reynolds, since the accident. Would you like to know more?” Tony nodded weakly.

“Uh, pull up Peter’s grades,”

The hologram in front of Tony whirred to life. Tony’s eyes widened as he read down the list.

_ Social Studies- C _

_ Biology- B _

_ Math- D _

_ Spanish- F _

_ Language Arts- B _

_ Band- B+ _

_ PLTW- C- _

Tony stared. Not only had Peter’s life situation changed drastically and he neglected to tell Tony, but now he also was  _ failing _ in some of his classes? Tony stood up.

“Peter!” Yelled a voice. Peter looked up. Tony was storming down the hall, a pile of papers in hand as he shoved the clear glass door to Peter’s room open. 

“What the  _ hell _ is wrong with you?” he snapped, slamming the papers down in front of Peter. Peter frowned as he read the first one, the meaning of it not quite processing in his mind. It was a news article. 

_ Car Crash Kills 4, Injures 3 _

Peter looked up to the date.

_ April 15th, 2019 _

Panic filled his mind. How had Tony found out?

“Some kid from your school was worried about you,” 

Shit. Had Peter said that aloud? Peter looked up. “Are you mad?” Tony glared at him. 

“Hell yes I am. You come in here, nearly fucking _dead_ , so of course I text your aunt, who, mind you, has been _perfectly_ good at answering texts the last few months despite, you know, _being in a coma,”_ Peter winced, “and she doesn’t answer. So I double check, make sure everything’s ok, right? And what do I find out? That you’ve been _lying_ to me for the past two months! Unbelievable,” 

Tony took a breath. “Ok. Do I need to take the suit away?” Peter looked up, knowing he shouldn’t be surprised, but still shocked. He should have known that Tony would know he was worthless, heck, he  _ did _ know, but that didn’t make it hurt less when it came directly out of Tony’s mouth.

“I- I’m sorry,” Tony looked down at him, eyebrows raised. 

“Nope. I’m not done. I looked at your grades, you know. Now, I understand slipping a bit, but going from As to  _ Ds _ ? And making it look like everything’s fine? I think- you know what I think? I think you need to focus more on school. So no more Spider-Man, you hear me? And don’t let me hear you’ve been going out in that fucking onesie you made yourself,”

Peter nodded. “I’m sorry,” he repeated softly. 

“You better be,” Tony said firmly, turning towards the door. Peter paused.

“Mr. Stark?” he said quietly. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, but Peter knew he had to say something. Tony glanced back at Peter, only pausing for long enough to confirm he had heard, before wordlessly walking out and shutting the door behind him. 

 Peter sighed, his breaths seeming loud in the silence of his newfound aloneness. He had tried to do better. He had. After the ferry, he had tried so damn hard, but obviously it wasn’t enough.  _ He  _ wasn’t enough. Peter thought back to Jim. He would be mad. Peter smiled, thinking about it. It would be for the best. The unlocked window that Peter spotted seemed enticing to his mind. He knew it shouldn’t because if he left, there was only one place where he could go, and the sinking feeling in Peter’s stomach informed him of what would happen if he went there. But it was for the best. Peter’s spider sense, usually a tickle on the back of his neck or a nudge in the right direction, had consigned itself to a deep roiling in his stomach, a subtle reminder that the apartment wasn’t far from the SI medbay. He could leave. He could walk in the front door. And he would never need to worry about anything else.

Peter tucked his knees in, rolling himself into a ball as the subway car thundered on, taking him closer to what would probably be his demise. He watched as the train passed from light to light, wondering if this would be the last time he would do this. There was no avoiding going back, and honestly, Peter deserved to go back. Still, that didn’t stop Peter from savouring every moment before his arrival. He put a finger on his wrist, letting himself feel his pulse. It had beat so steadily for so long. It deserved to rest, did it not? He wondered if May would miss him. Probably not. She would be angry that Peter hadn’t been going to see her. He hadn’t seen her since she had woken up from the coma, and Peter knew that barely counted. She had been in a drugged haze, and Peter doubted she even realized Peter had been with her. Then he had gone home, and Jim had made it clear he wasn’t to see May anymore. It wasn’t like he deserved to, anyways. Peter took a breath, wishing he could enjoy the last few minutes of freedom that he had. He could feel his heartbeat under his skin. That was enough. Right?

Seemingly too soon, the train screeched to a halt, and the speaker calmly announced Peter’s stop. Peter stood up, still in a trance, and walked out into the street, feeling the warm air against his skin as he let himself get lost in thought. The people around him glanced at the entranced boy walking towards something as though being reeled in by a fishing rod. Peter wondered where they thought he was going. Maybe to see a girlfriend, maybe coming home after a long day. Peter blinked. What time of day was it anyway? It didn’t matter. Peter wondered where the people surrounding him were going. Was there anyone else walking to a place they wouldn’t leave? Did anyone else have the empty eyes of someone who’s life depended on someone they knew staying calm? But if anyone was like that, they were different from Peter. Because they wouldn’t be Spider-Man. And they didn’t deserve what was happening to them. Peter sighed. He knew he was almost there. That was a good thing, right? Peter thought it was, even though he definitely didn’t feel right. OsCorp was probably still running the spider experiments anyway. Tony could make a new Spider-Man. Or something. Peter felt a cool blast of air hitting him. He looked around, forcing himself to process where he was. The hallway of the apartment complex was dark, leaving it cool in the spring heat. Peter paused. It had been warm outside, right? Peter couldn’t remember. 

_ That couldn’t be good,  _

But it didn’t really matter. He wasn’t going to be dealing with this for much longer. Peter stopped walking, staring at the door in front of him. He had once been fond of that door. His parents said it would keep him safe from dangers outside the apartment until they returned from their trip. They hadn’t returned, but the sentiment didn’t fade. Not until he was regularly finding himself staring at that door, hoping it would protect him from the horrors  _ inside _ of the place he once called home. And it never did. Peter turned his key in the lock. He couldn’t remember when he decided to get his key out. But that didn’t matter. Peter squeezed his eyes shut.

And opened the door.

It was quiet. Peter wasn’t sure what he expected. He looked around. The apartment was a mess. It was never a mess. Slowly but surely, feeling the burning of his spider sense grow, Peter made his way towards Jim’s room. His stomach felt as though it was trying to throw itself up his throat as it turned, his spider sense begging him to go back. Peter paused. He could feel that it wanted him to see something. Letting it guide him for just a moment, Peter turned to face the kitchen table. A sticky note written in messy handwriting lay there. Peter stared, vaguely recognising the writing. His eyes filled with tears. He didn’t think he would see that writing ever again.

_ Hi Peter _

_ I don’t remember if you’ve come to visit me. Maybe you did I forgot. Please do, I know it can be hard to see people you know in the hospitle. The doctors say your ok but I don’t see you _

_ -May _

The note didn’t have the best grammar, or the best spelling, but Peter recognised the remnants of May’s once elegant script. Peter let out an audible gasp before slapping his hand over his mouth. Peter froze, praying that Jim hadn’t heard him. He could hear a _thump,_ though, as two feet hit the floor in the room behind him, and Peter knew it was over. Peter stared at the front door, willing himself to move, to run back to Stark Tower because _May was okay._ _May wanted to_ see _him._ If he died now, he knew she would never get that chance. Peter’s breath grew laboured as he tried to move, but it was like he was frozen, unable to move as Jim came closer. He heard the door to Jim’s room open and felt himself turn around. He stared at Jim. Peter wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t this. Jim’s eyes were red and he looked like he hadn’t changed clothes for days.

“Peter,” Jim said, his voice trembling in shock. Jim blinked, seeming to process what had just happened. He stood up straighter, and Peter could tell he was trying to restore the aura of calm fury he usually held. “Never do that again.” Peter nodded. “Answer when someone talks to you,” Jim added calmly. Peter nodded. 

“Yes sir,” he mumbled. Jim grabbed an empty beer bottle from the counter, and Peter paused. Since when had Jim drank? Jim glared at him, stumbling forward drunkenly, and Peter couldn’t move again. He could feel his spider sense warning him, but Peter knew there was nothing he could do. “ _ Never do that again! _ ” Jim shouted. Peter winced, and Jim grabbed him by the shoulders, turning him around and shoving him to the floor. Peter’s jaw crashed against the ground, making a cracking noise as it hit, and Peter’s mouth exploded in pain. Peter moaned involuntarily. He could hear Jim panting above him as he paused. 

“Do you  _ know _ what you did to your aunt?” Jim roared. “They told her you disappeared. The damn doctors  _ thought  _ she could handle it. She fucking  _ couldn’t! _ ” Jim slammed the beer bottle against Peter’s back, shocking the last of the trance-like feeling out of his system. Jim pulled the back of Peter’s shirt off and, grinding his hands against Peter’s back, he buried the shards of glass deeper in his back. Peter could feel a warm liquid trickling down his sides as Jim seized his shoulders again. Peter shrieked as Jim rolled him onto his back, and the glass embedded within him grinded against the floor. Jim’s bloody hands clutched at Peter’s throat as Jim climbed on top of him, making Peter groan in pain, and Jim stared into his eyes.

“You. Deserve. This.” he uttered, removing his hands from Peter’s throat and Peter’s collarbone exploded in pain as Jim punched him. Jim moved back, exposing Peter’s stomach and ramming his fists against in. Peter tasted bile rising in his throat, bringing the little food in Peter’s belly to the surface. Jim paused, wrapping his hands around Peter’s neck as his stomach tried to empty itself. Jim squeezed, hard, and Peter couldn’t see anymore. He tried to raise his hands to his throat, hoping that maybe it wasn’t too late to pry the fingers from his throat. It was fruitless, though. Peter could barely move his hands, much less stop  _ Jim, _ of all people, from ending him. Peter relaxed, not fighting anymore. He wouldn’t see May again. He wouldn’t be able to apologise to Tony. He wouldn’t be able to thank Ned, to thank MJ, hell, even to thank Flash. Peter had seen him stay behind at the field trip. He had tipped off Tony. Peter winced at the realization. He hadn’t thought about Flash in a while, but that didn’t change what he had done for Peter.

“No…” he mumbled, knowing it was too late. He didn’t expect the hands around his throat to loosen at that. But they did. Peter coughed, bringing his hands to his throat. He wondered what had happened. Peter squinted. His vision was clearing up. Jim was staring at him, looking so  _ small _ , as though he had just realized what he had done. Jim backed out of the room, and Peter swore he could see the same look in his eyes as Peter had after he had knocked Jim out by accident. Peter squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the thought from his brain, but still, the question persisted. Were he and Jim the same? Peter watched as Jim stumbled out the front door of the apartment, and Peter blinked. He knew he had to stay awake. Peter dragged his hand into the pocket of his jeans, pulling his phone out weakly. It skittered across the floor as his arm gave in. Peter cried out as he reached for it, using both hands this time to pick it up and open his emergency contacts. He squeezed his eyes shut as he pressed the contact. He didn’t expect it to be picked up immediately. Happy’s voice held an uncharacteristic worry as he picked up.

“Kid?” Happy yelped.

“Help,” Peter managed.

“Ok, kid, stay on the line. We’re coming,” interjected another voice.

“M’st’r St’rk?” Peter asked.

“Yeah kid. I’m here,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger! Anyway, onto the other stuff. Including...  
> An amateur psychoanalysis of Jim  
> Jim lost his parents at a young age and was raised majorly in foster care and switched homes many times, in part due to the chaos that could be found in many of the homes he was in. After he aged out of the system, he got his life together, going to college and all that jazz. He accomplished most of this by doing the opposite of what he found in foster care: he controlled his life. Eventually, he met May and I imagine him as being a good boyfriend and hoping to eventually be a father figure in Peter’s life, if he and May were to decide to be together long term. In the months leading up to May’s accident, though, he started noticing that Peter commonly snuck out of the house at night, and that May, usually a very concerned parental figure, didn’t seem to take it seriously. That hit a nerve in Jim, unsurprisingly, because, A,) when he was a child, the adults in his life didn’t take his numerous issues seriously, and B,) because Peter’s outings were a thing he had no control over, and May wasn’t taking action on. That drew deeply buried issues to the surface, priming him to crack should another blow come to the world he’s built himself. That came in the form of May’s accident, which caused him to become paranoid for Peter’s safety and about May’s recovery. He dumped his anger on Peter, trying both to protect him and to find a place to vent. Jim doesn’t truly believe what he is doing is right, but he doesn’t know what else to do. After that, though, when Peter disappears, he’s not sure what to do. He didn’t mean to nearly kill Peter, but he still did. 
> 
>  
> 
> I just want to note a few things about this though. First and foremost, Jim’s character is that of a human, versus a monster like I’ve seen in so many other fics, but that excuses none of what he did to Peter. All people are humans, though, so I mostly added this to highlight that. As much as I hate to accept it, my abuser was human as well. I hate to think about that head on, so I added this as a totally not coping mechanism™  
> Another thing is that I’m not good at psychoanalysis. I’m literally a 13 year old who’s taken a single psychology course and that was so I could get out of another class. (There were people trying to jump out the window in that class. It’s a third story window. The teacher didn’t react. I think that summarizes my experience in that class)  
> Also, I want to apologise for any inaccuracies that will inevitably occur in the next few chapters. While I am an abuse survivor, I’m not a domestic abuse survivor. I realize I probably should have apologised earlier within the series. Sorry for that.   
> According to AO3 spellcheck, snuck isn't a word. Neither is AO3 wtf?  
> Also, I'm really sorry for the long wait. I've had an insanely hectic few weeks. I had camp and didn't have time to type while I was there, then went on a trip, then got back a few days ago. I did all of this with a sinus infection too so oof. I'm feeling better tho! and we aren't traveling for the next few weeks so hopefully I can consistently update. Anyway, I'm going to stop typing because this is getting waaay too long.


	6. I'm Not Okay And It's Not Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was supposed to just be the first quarter-ish of the chapter but im a slow ass writer and if i didn't cut it off here then it would be at least another thousand words, probably more. either way, i absolutly hate the way this chapter turned out but i just want to get to the next chapter because I'm really excited for it.
> 
> I just realized I've been forgetting to thank everyone who left comment and kudos which is weird because I've reread the comments on this fic about a thousand times. So thank you, everyone. I can't visual the idea that so freaking many people have read this fic and thought it good enough to leave kudos or comments. also the comments made me cry. thank you for being so sweet!

Tony knocked on Peter’s door.

“Hey, Pete? I just want to say sorry,” he said quietly. No one answered. In the hour or so since Peter had left, Tony had done some more reading on what had happened to May. Peter had been in the crash that had put her in the coma; and Tony knew enough about Peter’s guilt complex to figure that Pete probably blamed himself, and then Tony had marched into his room and just  _ screamed _ at him. 

“Pete?” Tony repeated. The room stayed silent.

“Ok, underoos, I’m coming it,” Tony said worriedly, opening the door. He frowned, looking at the empty bed in front of him. The window was open, and Tony froze as he spotted the red stain on the windowsill. 

“FRIDAY,” he started, “what the actual  _ fuck? _ ” 

“Mr. Parker left approximately an hour ago,” 

“And you didn’t  _ tell _ me?” snapped Tony. 

“No. You have programmed me to not set off any alerts when Peter enters or leaves the building through the windows,” 

Tony shook his head. He had made that protocol to avoid creating a panic whenever Peter left or entered the building.

“Okay,” said Tony, taking a breath. “Get Happy up here. It’s urgent” 

“Mr. Hogan is on his way as we speak. Would you like me to begin a search for Peter?” 

Tony nodded haplessly. “Don’t spread the search beyond SI servers,”

“Got it,” FRIDAY said, her voice emotionless. Tony frowned. FRIDAY was speaking as though Tony had ordered pizza, or had asked about a project, not as though his kid was injured and had fled Stark Tower. Dammit, the kid was missing, and Tony had  _ yelled _ at him, even though he was mysteriously injured and hadn’t been acting like himself in months. Tony gasped. He had  _ yelled  _ at the kid. He had been screaming at him over grades just an hour ago, and now… Tony didn’t want to think about it, but he knew there was a decent chance that he wouldn’t see Peter again. Even if Peter got through this, whatever  _ this _ was, he might not be able to forgive Tony. Because he had been beaten half to fucking  _ death _ , and Tony had yelled at him. Over  _ grades _ , of all things. Tony didn’t even notice as his breathing sped up. 

“Boss, come on,” said a voice. “Come on, breathe with me,” It finished, and Tony could hear exaggerated breaths being taken. “Ok, that’s it,” said the voice again. Happy, Tony realized. 

“The- the kid,” Tony stuttered out.

“I know. FRIDAY told me,” 

“We need to find him,” Tony breathed. He stood up, wondering when he had fallen, but still trying to brush off his fear. 

“Yeah, we do. You can’t do that if you have another panic attack,” 

Tony nodded. “FRIDAY, you got anything?” 

“Yes. Mr. Parker entered his apartment building about half an hour ago, according to CCTV cameras and has yet to leave,”

Tony frowned. Peter knew his home would be the first place Tony would look when he discovered that Peter was missing. 

“FRI, clear my schedule for today,” Tony said, glancing at Happy. Happy stared at his phone, seemingly dumbstruck. 

“What is it?” Tony asked, not caring to hide the strain in his voice. 

“The kid’s calling,” Happy muttered. 

“Answer it!” Tony snapped as Happy hurried to pick up the call.

“Kid?!” Happy nearly yelled into the phone. Tony snatched it from Happy, praying he would hear a response. For a moment, it was silent, before a nearly silent groan. Tony squeezed his eyes shut. “Ok,” he muttered, unable to mask the relief in his voice. 

_ “He’s alive,”  _ Tony mouthed to Happy.

“Kid? Stay on the line. We’re coming,” 

There was another pause before Peter made another noise. For a second, Tony wasn’t sure if he was groaning or trying to speak. He could barely make out the words “ _ Mr. Stark” _ in Peter’s voice. 

“Yeah, kid. I’m here,” he muttered, bringing the phone back from his ear for a second. “Let’s go,” he said to Happy, turning the call on speaker as he started running towards the garage.

“Pete, I need to know what happened. Can you tell me what happened?” Peter stayed nearly silent. “Come on, kid. Just hold on a bit longer,”. 

“There’s a lot of blood, Mr. Stark,” he coughed. Tony’s heart clenched and he managed a glance towards Happy. 

“Let’s go,” Happy whispered, picking up his pace. 

“Ok, underoos, I’m going to have to transfer you to the car, so I’m going to be quiet for a second,” 

No answer. “Underoos?” Tony tried again. Still, the other end of the call stayed quiet. “Peter!” Tony clamored, his voice breaking as he slid into the car beside Happy. Happy pulled out of the garage and put the car on autopilot. 

“FRIDAY, activate Peter’s drone and let me see his vitals,” Tony gasped out. He turned to Happy. “He’s going to be fine, right?”

Happy just shook his head. “I don’t know, boss,” Tony stared at him, wishing that Happy was lying but knowing that he wasn’t. 

“Ok. FRIDAY, do you have anything on Peter’s vitals?”

“My apologies sir, but the Spider suit is currently at the tower. If you were to deploy Mark 72, it could reach the Parker’s residence in less than a minute and could-” 

“Do it,” Tony interrupted, only listening as FRIDAY confirmed that Mark 72 was en route to the Parker apartment before letting the car dissolve into a tense silence. Tony knew that there wasn’t anything else he could do for Peter, seeing as the Mark 72 had been designed for speed and safety above all else. Tony had made it less for fighting, but after Peter had found out about it, he had wanted to try and make it into something that could rescue someone that was incompacitated or trapped, but Peter had put the project on hold a few months back in favor of improving his web shooters. Tony sighed, realizing he might never see the kid again.

“FRIDAY, how much longer until we get there?”

“Two minutes, boss. The Mark 72 is arriving at the apartment now, we’ll have vitals in a few seconds,” 

Tony dropped his face into his hands, for a moment, considering the possibility that Peter had died the moment his voice had gone silent. 

“Ok,” said FRIDAY’s voice, “I’m projecting the vitals onto your screen,” 

Tony looked up, not sure if he was ready to look at the screen in front of him.

“Boss. He’s ok,” Happy called, shaking Tony from his stupor. Tony looked up. 

“He’s ok.” Tony echoed as he shifted his gaze to the screen. Peter’s heart was beating, however slowly, and he was still breathing.

“Sir, we still have a few more minutes until arrival. I’ve alerted Dr. Haak and Dr. Cho that Peter has been injured and they are on their way as we speak,” FRIDAY said. Tony nodded, not bringing his eyes away from the screen. Peter’s heartbeat was slowing.

The car pulled to a stop. Tony jumped out, clutching a first aid kit. Happy slammed the glove compartment open and pulled out a key that Tony figured was for the apartment. Tony sprinted towards the door to the complex, wishing FRIDAY was still tracking Peter’s vitals. 

“Happy, what’s his room number?” Tony demanded. 

“316,” 

Tony ran up the stairs, his mind running through all the possibilities of how Peter had gotten hurt. The only thing that remained constant through all the scenarios was that  _ this was his fault _ . Peter had needed help and he had constantly seemed to ignore that.

_ Just hold on for a bit longer. _

Peter  _ had  _ to survive. Tony couldn’t imagine seeing the kid without the life he had so constantly been filled with, it seemed impossible that Peter could ever remain still, but here Tony was, having seem Peter’s heart slowing down as if it was getting ready to give out. Tony turned the corner, wondering how he had let it come to this. Tony’s eyes flew from one room number to the next until finally he spotted it. 316. 

“Tony, step back,” Happy growled, positioning himself about a foot from the door. Tony swiftly obliged, realizing what Happy was about to do. A moment later, Happy’s foot came down on the door to the apartment, making it crash down with Herculean-like ease. Later, Tony knew he would wonder how exactly Happy had done that, but that didn’t matter now. Tony rushed into the room, frowning as he saw beer bottles strewn about the floor of the normally neat apartment, and the- Tony froze, his eyes torn away from the mess as he spotted a body lying limp on the floor. The only thing he recognized was the logo on the corner of Peter’s shirt, blood covered everything else. Tony rushed towards Peter, gripping his wrist roughly as he searched for a pulse. 

“ _ No, no no no nonononononono.”  _ Tony muttered as his fingers probed along Peter’s arm. He couldn’t find a pulse. 

“Happy, help me get him on his back,” Happy ran over, gently turning Peter over, his face stricken as he tilted Peter’s head back, opening his mouth. Tony took a breath before positioning his hands over Peter’s chest. He remembered reading something about doing compressions at a speed comparable to the beat of  the song“Stayin’ Alive,” but obviously his brain decided now was the time to forget the song Peter had forced him to listen to so many times. Tony pressed down on Peter’s chest repeatedly, praying to some unnamed deity that Peter would be ok.

_ Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. 25 more. _

“Come on Peter. Don’t do this,” Tony murmured as he continued. 

_ Just a few more. _

Why hadn’t Tony confronted Peter at the field trip?

_ Four more _

Peter might die because of Tony’s mistake.

_ Push. _

Why hadn’t Peter told Tony about May?

_ Push. _

Would May die when she found out that Peter died?

_ Push. _

Would Tony lose it when Peter died?

_ Push. _

_ Would _ Peter die today?

Tony gently blew air into Peter’s mouth, watching as his chest rose and fell a moment later. 

“Come on, Pete. Don’t do this to me,”

Tony watched in silence, waiting for a sign of life from the boy. 

Peter’s chest rose.

Tony’s posture collapsed. He watched as Happy touched his hand to Peter’s neck and looked towards Tony. Happy nodded.


	7. My Dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'm going on vacation for two weeks soon so I doubt I'll post then. Anyway, ty for all the amazing comments and the Kudos on this work! I'm so sorry I can't update.

Peter’s mind was covered in fog. As always. For the past few months, Peter’s mind has always been covered in a dark fog that didn't ever seem to go away. Peter had gotten used to it, he could ignore it and act as though every word to him wasn’t a spear that had been slowed and twisted by the fog. It made Jim’s blows hurt less, but it stopped him from being able to feel or focus. That fog made him ready for death. The thing was, the fog covering Peter’s mind now wasn’t like that at all. It was more like the warm white blanket that May had wrapped Peter in on the coldest night of the year, after she had found out that Peter wasn’t the greatest at thermoregulating.  
May.  
Peter opened his eyes, remembering Jim’s words to him.  
They told her you disappeared. They thought she could handle it. She fucking couldn’t.  
Peter jerked into a sitting position, eyes darting wildly around the room. He blinked, processing where he was.  
“What the heck?” he muttered. The MedBay lights were dimmed, but Peter could make out a figure standing in the doorway.  
“Tony?” he called.  
“Peter,” Peter inhaled sharply, realizing that Tony had called him by his name, for once.  
“What happened?”  
Peter sighed. “Don’t be mad,” he mumbled. Mr. Stark froze.  
“Yeah, about that,” he said awkwardly, “I wasn’t mad. I know it sounded like that, but… well, those circumstances were pretty weird. What I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry,” Peter nodded. “Can you- can you tell me what happened?”  
Peter nodded again. “A few months ago, May got a new boyfriend.” Tony glanced at Peter, unsure of where this was going. Peter swallowed before continuing. “He’s named Jim. At first, he was really nice. I liked him, he was good to May, seemed like a great guy. And then May got in the accident, and… well, I didn’t like him as much. He didn’t want me to see May, he-”  
“Pete,” Tony interrupted, his voice softer that Peter had ever heard it. “Did Jim do this?”  
Peter paused.  
He deserved this he deserved this hedeservedthishedeservedthis.  
But what about May? What about that note that she had left him? Did she deserve this?  
Did Jim do this?  
Peter nodded weakly.  
“Yeah. He did,”  
Tony’s face fell. “Okay,” He took a breath. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”  
Peter almost laughed. “Because I deserved it,” he said simply. Tony stared at him.  
“What?” he asked, seemingly dumbfounded.  
“I deserved it. He was the only one who would treat me the way I should be treated, because I am nothing” he finished forcefully, not being able to stop the words drilled into his brain from coming out of his mouth. Tony stayed silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, Peter was shocked by the forcefulness in his words.  
“Peter. Look at me,” Peter looked up tentatively. “Never say that. Please,” Tony’s voice broke. “That’s not true and you know it,”  
“What happens now?” Peter murmured, carefully avoiding what Tony had said. Tony stared at him.  
“What happens now? Kid, you’re being abused!” Peter curled into a ball as Tony’s voice grew louder. “Obviously what happens is we report the son of a bitch who’s been doing this. Peter, why the actual fuck didn’t you tell me when this started?! You-”  
Peter stopped listening. He knew what Tony was going to say, but it would hurt so much more coming from his mouth instead of Jim’s. But he deserved to hear this from his mentor, did he not? He was just too actually listen while Tony was honest. Just like Jim had been. Peter looked up at Tony.  
“Please,” he whimpered. Tony froze mid sentence staring at Peter, his eyes going soft. “Just end me already,”  
Tony’s eyes filled with fear as he seemed to realize what he had done. “Pete?” he said, still holding that eerily soft tone he had spoken in earlier, as though he was trying to calm a feral animal. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m not- I’m not Jim, ok?” Peter nodded. “Do you want to talk about what you just said?” Tony asked. The hesitance in his voice felt like a blow against the weak shield that had been left intact despite the past few hours.  
“I didn’t mean that. It’s just th- I didn’t mean that,” Peter repeated. “It’s just so hard, y’know?” Tony nodded understandingly. “First my parents, then Ben, now May, Jim, and I see people die in front-” Peter’s voice cracked, “in front of me every day,” he paused, unable to go on.  
“Whenever you’re ready, Pete,” Tony coaxed, his voice just a bit stronger than it had been before.  
“When I first met you…” Peter paused, taking another breath. “I heard you talking to Happy, you thought I couldn’t hear, but… you said you shouldn’t have taken me to Germany. Because you thought that it would’ve- I don’t know- taken away the innocence you thought I had,”  
Tony’s face morphed as he recalled the memory. “I thought that you were just some kid. After the Vulture I did a background check on you. I gotta say, I was shocked at what I found,”  
Peter nodded meekly. “I try to listen to the ‘stay positive’ bullshit, but…” Peter looked up at Mr. Stark, not sure if he wanted to finish what he was saying. “Mr. Stark, I’m sick of the war. I’ve been fighting against me for the past however many years and it never fucking ends”  
Tony sighed. “I know, kid. I ever tell you about my dad?”  
Peter frowned and shook his head. Tony had never really mentioned his parents.  
“They were… well, my dad was a weapons dealer. He credited himself with the creation of Captain America. I know he loved me on some level, but,” Tony paused, deciding if he should continue. “But is it really love when you hit your kid, or when you never say ‘I love you,’ or when you beat your wife and…” He stopped. “You get the idea,”  
Peter stared up at him. “Your dad…” Peter paused, trying to find the right words. “Was like J-Jim?” Tony nodded sadly.  
“Yeah. That’s why I never wanted kids, y’know? I was scared they would go through what I did, but…” Tony chuckled dryly “here we are. I never really told many people. I mean, I told Pepper, and my dad’s butler Jarvis told Rhodey after an… incident, and-” Tony cut himself off. “What I mean is that I didn’t ever really escape until my parents died, but- Pete, you can get justice. We’ll all be by your side,”  
Peter looked at Tony, confused. “Why would you do that for me? I’m-” Peter’s voice stumbled. “I am nothing,”  
Tony looked at him, and for a second Peter could see the anger in his eyes again, but a moment later it was gone, replaced by an emotion Peter hadn’t seen in months. The look May gave him.  
“Peter, you are not nothing,” Tony said, his voice kind. “You’ve saved so many people. You might’ve lost a lot, but you have even more people who care. This is corny as fuck, but… MJ, Ned, May, Happy, that Flash dude. You have the whole of the Avengers on your side. I’d be willing to bet even- even the Rogues or whatever we’re calling them would be willing to fight for you. And Peter?” Peter looked up, still processing what Tony was saying. “Pete, I love you. You’re like a son to me. I know you have shitty luck with parental figures, but I’m not going anywhere. Got it?”  
Peter stared at Tony, watching as his mentor’s once steady gaze trembled under the weight of Peter’s expression. Tony sat down on the bed after a moment.  
“Sorry if I overstepped, I’m not-”  
Peter pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around Tony, cutting him off. For a moment, Tony froze in shock before returning the hug.  
Peter buried his head into Tony’s shoulder as he felt tears fall from his face, probably ruining Tony’s shirt, but for the moment Peter couldn’t bring himself to care, instead just letting himself dissolve in the embrace of his mentor.  
After a minute, Peter spoke.  
“Can you report Jim?”  
Peter winced at the tremble in his voice, but he knew eventually he would have to go back to the apartment, and when he did, he wasn’t sure if he wanted Jim there.  
“Yes. We can do that,” Tony responded, relief in his voice as he gently separated from Peter.  
Peter lay back down, feeling a wave of exhaustion hit him as though he was back in the warm fog that had been keeping him warm, but… something felt off.  
“Mr. Stark?” Peter called.  
“Yeah, kid?”  
“What happened to Aunt May?”  
Tony’s face tensed. “She had a minor relapse after she heard about what happened, but… She’ll be fine, don’t worry,”  
Peter nodded tiredly, the only real words sticking in his mind being that “she’ll be fine” as he laid down.

Tony closed the door to Peter’s room as he exited, his face in his hands. How had he missed this? The thing was, Tony hadn’t missed this. He had known something was wrong, he just didn’t know how to help, and so he hadn’t even tried to help.  
“Tony?” someone called, startling Tony from his thoughts.  
“Yeah?” he answered absentmindedly, looking up. Happy waved awkwardly, and Tony frowned. The usually stoic bodyguard’s face was raw to a degree Tony had never seen.  
“Did you talk to the kid?” Happy asked. Tony nodded. “What happened?”  
“It was May’s boyfriend, I guess,”  
Happy’s brow furrowed. “May’s boyfriend did this?” he asked, incredulous. “What did you say to Peter?”  
“I just told him some shit about Howard, but… He thinks he’s nothing. He kept saying that, I guess that’s what May’s boyfriend told him. Dammit Hap, seeing Peter like that, it hurt. I didn’t want him to be like me. I never really dealt with Howard, and Peter- I saw myself in him. I don’t want him to turn out like me, y’know?”  
Happy nodded. “Is he ok?”  
“Not now. Maybe later,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i include the line "I'm not going anywhere" out of spite? yup. 
> 
> Not too proud of this chapter, I think Tony acts kinda ooc in it, and the writing reads a bit differently in my opinion, and I had waaaaay too many characters get cut off/cut themselves off, but whatever. 
> 
> Also, the comments on this fic are way too nice and im lowkey crying. Anyway, two more chapters to go! hurray!


	8. Closer to Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few one-shots surrounding the recovery of Peter Parker

One:

“Hey Pete? Can I come in here for a sec?,” Tony called. Peter looked up from his book. Tony’s voice was unusually nervous, but Peter knew he might be imagining that. His mentor had acted unusually gentle and unguarded around Peter since he had found out about Jim.

“Uh, yeah?” Peter replied uncertainty. “Is it anything bad?” he found himself asking, Aunt May immediately finding her way into Peter’s worries. 

“No, nothing like that,” he said, opening Peter’s door. Tony took a breath. “I filed a police report about Jim, and you’ve been removed from his custody. CPS wants you to go into the system and…” Peter tensed. He had known that Tony would need him out eventually, but Peter hadn’t thought he would’ve been thrown aside this quickly.

“Peter? You good?” Peter looked up. 

“Yeah, I- I get that I need to go into foster care. That’s fine,” he muttered, trying to convince himself that it was true. Tony looked appalled. 

“Underoos, I was going to say I could be your guardian until May got out of the hospital. Or- or you could go into foster care, if you wanted to,” Peter stared at Tony.

“Like… adopt me?” Peter paused, immediately doubting the legitimacy of what Tony had said.  “You’re serious? Right?”  

Tony nodded, still seeming nervous. “I’ll get the paperwork set up. Just focus on getting better, ok?” 

“Ok.” Peter confirmed. ”Are you sure?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice steady. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Peter shook his head. “Everyone around me dies, or gets hurt, or doesn’t actually mean well, or leaves, or…” he trailed off, hoping Tony would get the idea. “I don’t want you to go too. I 

Tony sat down. “I’m sorry. After the Vulture, I promised myself I would do better. I thought- well, I figured that if I kept an eye on you, I could avoid another incident like that. I mean, this time I was looking for the signs and I didn’t see them,” Tony’s voice softened, leaving him sounding more vulnerable than Peter thought was possible. “Pete, I don’t want to be like Howard,”

Peter stared at his mentor, not sure how to react. “Do you really think you’re like your dad?” Peter asked quietly. “Because you know that’s not true, right? If it were, then I wouldn’t be here,”

Tony seemed to pause. “Peter. You are here because I needed backup when I was fighting Steve. I came into contact with you because I needed someone to help me out,” Tony shook his head. “I know you because I was selfish,” 

Peter was shocked. “You really think that. Wow.” Tony had literally offered to  _ adopt _ Peter, and here he was implying that he didn’t care about Peter.

“Ok, let’s say you’re right. You only met me because you were selfish, but you  _ chose  _ to stick around. That’s more than you had to,”

Tony nodded. “I guess. That doesn’t change the fact that I almost  _ lost _ you. I can’t-” Tony’s voice stumbled. “I can’t do that again,”

Peter sighed. “May always said that she knew she couldn’t always protect me, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying,” 

Tony nodded. “Ok. I can do that,”

 

Two:  

“Ned?” Peter asked. Ned turned to face Peter, concern evident on his face.

“Yeah?” 

“I’m going to have to leave in a few,” MJ raised an eyebrow. “My Victim Impact Statement was rescheduled.”

Ned stared at him. “Peter…” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah. It sucks. Mr. Stark just texted me. I guess it happened a few days ago.  I’m not completely done with it, I was going to revise it, but,” Peter smirked humorlessly. “I guess that’s not gonna happen,” 

MJ looked up. “Peter, this is, what? The fifth time they’ve rescheduled it? It was supposed to be like three months ago, and, shocker, it was  _ his _ lawyers that keep delaying it,”

“I  _ know _ . The DA said that they probably think if they delay it long enough, I’ll drop the charges,” 

MJ glared. “Permission to call bullshit?” She asked, her voice a very poor impression of the district attorney. 

Peter’s phone dinged. Peter pulled it out.

_ I’m out front, _

Peter took a breath. 

_ This is it. _

Peter paused. This was it, right?

“I gotta go,” he muttered. Ned looked up at him, his face unusually sober. 

“Good luck,” 

Peter nodded. MJ stared at him, her face graced by an emotion that surprised Peter.  _ Understanding. _ Peter gave them both shakey smiles before standing up from their lunch table and making his way out. 

“Hey Mr. Stark,” Peter said as he slid into the car. Tony just stared at Peter sadly. “Um, what’s up?” he asked, confused.

“Your statement was delayed again,” 

Peter froze. “Not again,” he murmured. Peter looked up at Tony. “I can’t  _ do _ this anymore!” He yelped. Tony winced. “Dammit, the  _ waiting _ , the coming home from school every fucking day, wondering if you’re going to tell me some important detail that happened while I was away! I can’t! Jim  _ says _ he didn’t do anything, and he keeps  _ lying, _ ” 

Peter paused, realizing he was shouting. Tears streamed down his face, and Tony stared at Peter sadly. 

“Peter. We can drop the charges if you want to, you don’t hav-” 

Peter stared at Tony, disgusted. “No! If he goes free, then he can do what he did to someone else, or some shit like that,” Peter’s voice softened. “I can’t go without closure. I can’t say that I didn’t do all I could,” 

Tony nodded. “Ok. Do you want to spend the rest of the day at the compound? I was going to drive up there, if that’s alright,” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah. I would like that,”

 

Three:

Tony wrapped his knuckles on the door. 

“Come it,” a voice called. Tony sighed. 

“Pete, you sure you want me here for this?” 

Peter nodded. “‘Course,” he said quietly, shoving the door open in a failed attempt to feign nonchalance, but he froze as his eyes landed on the hospital bed.

“May” he murmured. Her face was pale, with huge bags under her eyes, but Peter couldn’t stop the small smile from breaking out on his face as she met his eyes, her own eyes barely dulled with the effects of the drugs she had been pumped full of the last time Peter had seen her. She nodded gratefully as she looked at Peter before she noticed the crutches under his arm. May’s face fell. 

“Peter, baby, what happened?” Tony glanced at Peter. 

“You sure you want me to be here for this?” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah- yeah, I want you to be here,” 

May looked between Peter and Tony’s faces unsurely. “Peter,” she started, “Why didn’t you visit?” 

Peter looked at Tony. He nodded encouragingly. “Jim wouldn’t let me,” 

“Ok.” May stared up at Peter. “Ok,” she repeated. “Does this have anything to do with Jim having been arrested?” Peter bit his tongue. He didn’t know how much May knew about Jim’s arrest. 

“Uh, yeah. Jim got mean, after the accident. He wasn’t like that before,” Peter assured, at May’s glare. “He did…” Peter gestured to his injuries. “This,” 

May inhaled sharply. “He was abusing you.” She turned to Tony. “Thank you. For keeping him safe,” 

Peter sighed, watching as Tony’s eyes furrowed in guilt. He knew Tony blamed himself for what happened. “May…” Tony said quietly. 

“Peter, how long was this happening?” 

Peter hesitated before answering. “A bit more than two months,” 

May sighed. “The entire time I was gone,” 

“Yeah. He- he was beating me up pretty badly and then I accidentally hit him and knocked him out and, long story short, Tony found me but I went back to Jim and he nearly killed me and… Tony found out what was happening,” 

May nodded. “Come here, sweetheart,” Peter nearly threw himself into May’s arms, relishing the hug he had dreamed of getting almost nightly even since Jim began hurting him. May was warm and familiar, even though she no longer smelled of cinnamon and burnt cooking and Peter felt his eyes fill with tears as May held him. He felt himself going limp against her, not even caring that his mentor, who’s respect he had worked tirelessly for, was right behind him. “Peter, baby. You’re ok. You’re ok,” Peter sniffed, feeling a lump grow in his chest. May gently took his weight and pulled him onto the mattress next to her. Peter curled into her side, not trusting himself to breath. “Peter.  _ Peter. _ You can cry. It’s over, hon, you can cry,” 

And Peter did. He let out a loud sob, leaning into May as she wrapped her arms around him.

 

Four:

Tony sighed. “Peter, there are going to be cameras in there. People have been wondering who you are,” 

Peter nodded. “I know. It doesn’t matter, right?” 

Tony smiled. “Yeah,” he said softly. “That’s right,”

Peter turned to the door, slowly pushing it open. The flashes of cameras nearly blinded Peter immediately. Tony walked beside him, his hand draped around Peter’s shoulder, providing a steady source of comfort as they walked past the benches and Peter took his place in the front, by Tony’s lawyer. 

Peter felt as though he was in a trance as he walked up to the stand. The judge gave the go-ahead, and it was Peter’s turn to speak. He stared first at his paper for a second before finally allowing himself to look up. Jim sat on the other side of the room from Peter. He wore a grubby orange jumpsuit and was restrained. Jim finally looked up at Peter, making eye contact. He seemed so small, sitting there and for a moment Peter felt something resembling sorrow for him. But then he remembered Jim roaring that he was nothing as he cowered in the corner, and it was gone. Peter looked up. 

“My name is Peter Parker,” he started, looking to Jim. “And last night, I woke up from a nightmare that you were back. I want you to know that you have no power over me anymore. I hear you denying that you ever hurt me when I have the scars on my back to prove that you did and that’s ok. You told me, again and again, that I was  _ nothing,” _ Peter’s voice cracked in emotion. “I am not nothing. If I truly was, I don’t think you would’ve treated me like you did,” Peter sighed, looking at Tony. “I can’t say that everything’s all better. I will  _ always _ have the scars of what you did to me. Tony tried to hug me, once. I flinched away, somehow convinced that this man whom I trust with my life would treat me the way you did. You kept me away from the only relative I have left,” Peter huffed. “I think you knew that I’m stronger with my family. The thing is, May isn’t my only family. You tried to tear me down, Jim, but… here I am. May’s watching, my friends are here, the mentor that turned into a father is here because for some reason, for all your calculating, you missed the fact that I have Iron Man behind me. And MJ, who could probably kill someone by looking at them. But I’m gonna have to deal with this. Forever. I’m stronger than you know, but that doesn’t make the weight of the world any less,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to write and I don't really like it, but it's better than nothing. I was planning on doing an epilogue, but this feels more organic. Much of what Peter sees during this chapter is based off of my own expericences. the second part was based off a true story and Peter's statement was based off statements by survivors of Larry Nassar and a statement i gave a few years ago. This story was inspired in part by the Believed podcast, which was incredibly validating and wonderful for me. Please listen to it, even if you haven't expericenced abuse. What I hate to say though, is that no abuse story has a true ending. I wake up every morning dealing with the fact that i was eight and i said no and he didn't listen, the fact that i tried to kill myself when i was ten. The thing is, i don't think Peter is a victim in this part of the story. he's become a survivor. im proud to say i count myself as being within the same category as Peter. I am a survivor. 
> 
> I will not take my own life. I will take it back. -Emily Morales to Larry Nassar

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction on AO3, and also my first fanfiction in general. I'm sorry for any typos. I eventually plan to have Peter spend some time at school, and I haven't been to high school yet so sorry if anything is inaccurate. If anyone actually reads this, then pls leave constructive criticism. I mostly wrote this with the hope that I could improve my writing. I'll try to add a new chapter about every week. And I'll try to avoid making Peter suffer too much... I already want to apologize to him.


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